GUGU

by Rizkika Mahzura

Dia adalah seekor domba tertinggal
Di sebuah savana yang mengelabu dalam kejinggaan
Bayangan sehelai rumput terbentuk di bibir bawahnya
Rumput yang tersangkut di sela gigi, membuatnya gugu dalam gemerlapan bintang-bintang ranum

Dia juga buta
Malam tak lebih gelap dari dunia yang dilaluinya
Dagunya membungkuk
Matanya ditelan perut bumi
Bola matanya sehitam batu bara
Tapi lihat! Batu bara itu itu tidak terbakar
Hanya sesekali ia menggenang

Dia kehilangan api
Dia kehilangan panas dan gairah yang seharusnya takdirnya
Dia hanya gugu saat jilatan api Sang Surya mengemban tugas
Dia si batu hitam yang kehilangan dan ketinggalan
Hidup dalam anomali
Menyimpan suaranya dalam sebuah guci.

Malaikat Fana dan Cahaya

Oleh: Rizkika Mahzura

Ini tentang proses pendewasan dan pencerahan...

Suatu hari pernah saya bertanya secara random dan liar pada diri sendiri. Seperti apakah wujud malaikat yang diciptakan dari cahaya itu? Disini saya tidak akan memaparkan tentang perintah Allah SWT yang menyuruh para malaikat (beserta iblis) bersujud pada Adam AS manusia pertama yang diciptakan dari tanah. Tidak juga tentang pembangkangan iblis atas perintah itu. Pertanyaan saya hanya terfokus pada wujud malaikat.

Malaikat

Imaji yang pertama kali terlintas dalam pikiran kita saat membayangkan malaikat pastilah sayap. Sayap sudah seperti simbol resmi malaikat. Banyak literatur, seni lukis dan arsitektur dari berbagai agama mempercayai hal tersebut. Dari sudut pandang islam, wujud para malaikat telah dijabarkan di dalam Al Qur'an surah Faathir 35:1 yang berbunyi:

"Segala puji bagi Allah Pencipta langit dan bumi, Yang menjadikan malaikat sebagai utusan-utusan (untuk mengurus berbagai macam urusan) yang mempunyai sayap, masing-masing (ada yang) dua, tiga dan empat. Allah menambahkan pada ciptaan-Nya apa yang dikehendaki-Nya. Sesungguhnya Allah Maha Kuasa atas segala sesuatu." - Faathir 35:1.

Wujud fisik malaikat memang misteri dan saya akan meninggalkan pertanyaan itu sampai disini, karena seperti apapun wujud malaikat adalah hal yang gaib. Sementara manusia yang hidup di dunia non-gaib, dengan pemikiran yang terbatas, hanya bisa mereka-reka dalam absurditas dari apa yang tertulis dan dibaca dalam kitab-kitab maupun karya-karya sastra. Inti dari wujud malaikat yang akan dibahas dalam tulisan ini cenderung mengarah pada sifat-sifat malaikat yang tampak pada wujud fana, yaitu manusia.

Manusia-manusia Cahaya

Sekalipun manusia tidak tercipta dari cahaya layaknya seorang malaikat, namun cahaya itu juga bisa ditemukan dalam diri manusia yang berdiri disisi kebaikan. Yang tidak dimiliki malaikat namun dimiliki manusia adalah kebebasan berkehendak (free will).

Kebebasan itu lantas membentuk sebuah dualitas kehidupan yang teraplikasi dalam tindakan dan pilihan. Gelap terang, baik buruk, ya dan tidak. Inilah yang disebut sic et non oleh Peter Abelard (1079-1142).

Sifat-sifat lain yang dimiliki malaikat adalah selalu bertasbih siang dan malam tidak pernah berhenti, suci dari sifat-sifat manusia dan jin seperti; hawa nafsu, lapar, sakit, makan, tidur, bercanda, berdebat, dan lainnya. Malaikat juga selalu takut dan taat kepada Allah, tidak pernah maksiat dan selalu mengamalkan apa saja yang diperintahkan-Nya, tidak makan dan minum, mampu mengubah wujudnya, memiliki kekuatan dan kecepatan cahaya.

Pernahkah Anda menemukan sifat-sifat di atas terdapat pada diri manusia? Kalau saya pernah. Beberapa kejadian dalam hidup saya menampakkan seberkas cahaya dari malaikat pada amal baik yang dilakukan orang-orang di sekitar saya, dan sayapun turut merasakannya.

Ini adalah satu pengalaman berharga dalam proses pengenalan diri saya pada sifat-sifat cahaya. Berbicara tentang pengalaman kita harus kembali ke masa beberapa tahun yang lalu.

Ketika saya beranjak remaja, saya mengalami konflik yang cukup rumit dengan orang tua saya. Khususnya ibu saya. Ketika itu antusiasme saya masih berapi-api pada lawan jenis. Saya menjalani hubungan cinta dengan seseorang yang menurut ibu saya tidak sopan dan tidak jelas. Namun karena terlalu tergila gila dengan lelaki itu, saya sering bertengkar dengan ibu dan pernah minggat dari rumah. Saya bisa disebut durhaka karena lebih memilih percaya dengan pacar daripada ibu sendiri. Jelasnya, banyak sekali saya menyakiti hati perempuan yang telah melahirkan dan membesarkan saya tersebut.

Namun bersama waktu yang bergulir, Tuhan membukakan mata saya. Pacar saya ternyata bukan orang yang baik dan hubungan kami berakhir. Perlahan-lahan hubungan saya dan ibu saya kembali membaik. Saat itu saya sadar kalau pilihan orang tua terutama ibu tidak pernah salah, bahkan sekarang saya menyesal pernah melawan dirinya. Ibu adalah penyelamat yang dikirimkan Tuhan dalam hidup saya. Saya melihat sosok malaikat dalam diri ibu saya, dari kasih sayangnya, ketulusan cintanya, adalah hal-hal yang tak mungkin saya balas dengan sempurna. Cinta ibu pada anak tidak akan bisa disamakan dengan cinta dari siapa pun kecuali Tuhan.

Ibu hanyalah satu dari banyak contoh malaikat-malaikat kasatmata yang ada di dunia dan yang terdekat denga kita. Masih ada para dermawan, pahlawan, pemimpin yang baik, teman yang setia, saudara yang saling mengasihi, para guru dan dosen, para petani, para pemikir, ilmuan dan masih banyak lagi. Semua itu bisa dilihat dari sumbangsih amal, keikhlasan dan ketulusan. Bahkan dengan tersenyum tulus, cahaya malikat bisa terpancar bagai aura magis dari wajah kita. Kita tidak perlu punya sayap atau punya kecepatan cahaya atau mempunyai kemampuan mengubah wujud dan menahan nafsu manusiawi kita untuk bisa jadi malaikat. Kembali pada diri kita dan dualitas yang ada. Kita bisa menjadi malaikat dan iblis sekaligus karena adanya free will. Semua pilihan ada di tangan kita, apakah kita memilih terang atau sisi kontradiksinya.

November 2014

Sonnets 04: Only Until This Cigarette Is Ended

 

Sonnets 04: Only Until This Cigarette Is Ended

Only until this cigarette is ended, 

A little moment at the end of all, 

While on the floor the quiet ashes fall, 

And in the firelight to a lance extended, 

Bizarrely with the jazzing music blended, 

The broken shadow dances on the wall, 

I will permit my memory to recall 

The vision of you, by all my dreams attended. 

And then adieu,—farewell!—the dream is done. 

Yours is a face of which I can forget 

The color and the features, every one, 

The words not ever, and the smiles not yet; 

But in your day this moment is the sun 

Upon a hill, after the sun has set.

Edna St. Vincent Millay

Artifisial

Sun ray touched the wet ground
It caused the dry and dust
You touched the frozen heart
Then it melted

Masih terkurung dalam lingkaran yang belum berevolusi. Haha. Ya, tragedi. Dia tertidur dan membuka mata di pagi yang sama. Saat dia terbangun, yang pertama kali dicarinya adalah cermin dan bayangan dirinya. Lingkaran gelap di kelopak bawah mata masih utuh. Dengan putih yang memerah disorotnya. Setiap hari dia hanya tidur selama tiga jam. Setiap pagi dia harus mengejar kelas pagi yang menyebalkan. Dan setiap malamnya dia tak henti berpikir. Merasionalkan yang absurd dan mengabsurdkan yang rasional.

Tapi dia sangat berhasil dengan beban lakon dalam proyek takdir hidupnya.

Lihat saja make up nya. Dia melukis garis-garis keras di wajah. Dia juga mengatur letak bola matanya ketika berjalan tegas di trotoar, kau akan melihatnya bagai sosok apatis dan kejam. Lalu dia bercengkrama dengan teman-teman perempuannya yang hanya beberapa. Bersama mereka dia tertawa, tampil baik dengan senyum sempurna.

Lihat saja di mata para lelaki itu, rasa penasaran yang tak terlampiaskan membuncah ruah disana. Dia menemukan banyak mata yang seperti itu dan dia tak banyak peduli. Dan lihat saja di mata gadis-gadis itu, senang atau tidak, apa urusannya dengan hidupnya? Dia lebih tidak peduli lagi. Maklum saja, dia lahir saat carnation bermekaran. Dia menyimpan rapat sebuah rasa yang mendilema. Melemahkan. Dia selalu bersembunyi. Tak mau seorangpun tahu APA kelemahannya.

Pernah dia menganggap dirinya bodoh karena memelihara kelemahan. Dan dia berusaha mengenyahkannya. Namun dia tak menemukan pelipur lara yang mampu bertahta di atas kelemahannya tersebut. Dia amat lelah melawan, tak ada gunanya memberingas memberantas. Jadi kini ia terdiam dalam gelap kamarnya. Mendengarkan lagu-lagu tinggi. Memikirkan cara untuk melarikan diri dari kenyataan. Untung saja dia masih punya keluarga. Ibu, kakak, adik, kakak Ibu, dan keponakan-keponakan lucu. Jadi dalam waras, dia masih bisa mengesampingkan rasa waulahu'alam itu dengan bermimpi. Mimpi yang tinggi-tinggi dengan segudang nazar yang baik. Hingga dia lupa dengan niat pelarian diri itu.

Yah, kurasa dia memang bodoh. Dia banyak berspekulasi tentang lawan jenisnya. Dalam ketidakpedulian masih ada getir optimisme untuk mengejar cintanya. Getir satirnya. Haha. Bagiku ini tak lebih semacam kisah komedi kolosal. Dia begitu kolot mencintai dalam diam. Apa gunanya Kartini memperjuangkan emansipasi? Untuk apa ada gender balancing? Tapi namanya cinta, tak bisa dilogikakan. Apalagi dicerdaskan. Cinta itu bukan di kepala, sayang. . . tapi disini. Di hatiku. Di hatinya. Cinta itu tak searus dengan nalar. Cinta itu searus dengan intuisi dan emosi. Kalau kau tak paham juga, kudoakan agar dia menemukan akhir keabsurdannya. Kudoakan agar kau tetap hidup baik sebagaimana mestinya.

Karena dia tak pernah memaksakan.

Tak pernah mendendam.

Tahu diri.

Pasif.

Tidak punya kebodohan lain selain jatuh cinta pada seseorang berhati remuk yang lugu dan kolot.

Dia juga sangat peka.

Aku tahu itu. Aku kenal dia. Aku kenal diriku dan perasaanku. Sialan! Kurasa aku lebih suka orang ketiga tunggal dalam narasi. Karena dalam kasus ini, aku lebih suka berada di posisi 'dia' daripada aku. (If you know what I mean. . .)

Baiklah, kesimpulannya, dia mungkin tidak mencintaimu. Kau sama sekali bukan tipenya, idolanya, hahahaha. Dia mungkin hanya menyukai eksistensimu yang pernah ada di dekatnya. Dia mungkin merasa lengkap saat omong kosongnya didengar olehmu. Dia mungkin jatuh cinta pada dialog-dialog kotormu. Dia mungkin terjebak dalam sekotak kenangan yang pernah kau tinggalkan untuknya. Dia mungkin tak selamanya karam begini, akan ada tangan abadi yang menariknya dari gelap palung ke permukaan yang terang bercahaya.

Entah itu tanganmu. Entah tangan orang lain. Tapi tangan itu pasti datang dan mengoyak wajah palsunya.

She still covers her face with a hard lines of makeup
Her lovely messy hair
Walking alone through the night city
Whispering
It's a mortal
It has an end. . .

Hi July

Hi.
How are you?

I apologize before for everytime I made you feel nasty of everything about me. About me. Yes there's nothing left important to you about me. You gone and live happily in peace. But the deals work in the other hand in me. Awkward and absurd. Thanks. You did your best. Even while I was writing my words, I still kept running for the reality. The reality that I kept secretly in the silence of my untold and unseen and unreasonable passion. I think you know who I mean if you are truly smart enough as I used to know.

I'm going to start with the smallest fucking damage in me. I miss you. Sorry to say, I really hate it. Yes it ain't any of your business or problem actually. I had done anything to re-health my mind but thousands sorry, I failed. Well, you can imagine how sick I am right now. Let's laugh out loud. Shout at me hey you fool bitch go to the hell. Then, I will laugh with you.

It was a long long story. Too boring to you and too painful to me. For God sake, I'm so tired of my life. You ain't the only problem God has given to me. I give up to be blunt. I give up for everything which I damn don't wanna tell you. If I'm strong enough, I will keep it forever. I ate cigar and drink chivas, to push you from my head. I succeed. But hell, in my solitude late night, you always comeback. Fuck you. Fuck you!

As you said, I am just secondhand, dirty and far from your love affair. Honestly, you too. So naive, unemphatic and far from my type. But I stuck on you. Ass! You gone but your shadow still haunted me as long as I keep it. Let me hope, if this swine letter finish, I get my freedom. I am too tired and sick. I wanna be normal again like long time ago before our first meeting in the first day in college. You sat on the terrace of Building I and belonged with your cigar. I loved it. You look so pretty, dear. Well, I think you don't have same memories. Because, you treated me like a bitch in the first till the end. But I like your honesty. Oh ya, that's why I never belong to any guy, until now. Until I find another you who will just kill me instantly, not like you did.

I know you belong to someone. And you never see me cry of it, but I still receive it. I pray to God to erase the scenes where you live everlasting in my head but God give me the worst. You shouldn't feel the same and yeah I'll take all of your nastiness. Listen. I want to feel free and relive. Enough. I just want you to know the truth. I don't care of your response. I passed the late year with no soul. I play riddle and puzzle and throw em into the trash because they just make me morbid. I hope you find your joy with a sweet lovely girl soon.

Thanks for reading.

Love you
Bitch

Happy Birthday Anastasia

Jarum detik menyuruhku melihat ke arahnya yang marah mencak.

"Kau selalu selalu lupa waktu, Margaret."
"Tolol! Namaku Kika. Bukan Margaret."
"Ya. Siapapun kau! Berhentilah sejenak dari pencarianmu. Lihat aku. Sudah jam berapa ini? Sudah tanggal berapa?"

Dia memperlihatkanku siapa yang datang. Aku membuka mataku lebar-lebar dan nyaris pingsan.
Hari ulang tahunmu!

For God sake.
Aku belum menyelesaikan partitur laguku. Aku belum menjahit gaun pesta. Aku belum membeli kado. Aku belum menerbitkan novel pertamaku. Aku belum membeli terigu untuk tart-mu. Aku belum melakukan apapun sebagai sahabatmu. Dan tiba-tiba saja umurmu telah bertambah.

For God SAKE.
Apakah aku ini sahabatmu? Umurmu baru dua puluh tahun sedangkan rasanya kita sudah kenal ratusan abad. Aku mungkin bukan satu-satunya sahabat yang mencintaimu. Yang bisa menggambar atau yang bisa mengedit fotomu supaya tampak lucu. Yang bisa hadir di hari spesialmu dan menciummu di bibir. Muach. Terimalah ciuman jauhku.

Selamat ulang tahun Anastasia Bernadette. Doaku selalu yang baik-baik. Kurayakan hari ulang tahunmu di tempat terpencil. Di tengah hutan. Bernyanyi bersama pohon-pohon dan kabut tipis. Menceritakan kenangan-kenangan, hitam dam putih perjalanan kita pada seekor Thomas Monkey. Kau tak mungkin suka tempat ini. Kau juga tak akan suka dengan Tom. Aku tidak bisa memberitahumu segalanya sekarang. Dan jangan bertanya-tanya dulu, oke?

Sekarang rayakan hari bahagiamu dengan bahagia. Aku akan melihat kebahagiaanmu dari jauh. Maaf aku terlalu misterius belakangan ini. Aku sekarang sadar, aku nggak suka main path. Terlalu mainstream.

Happy birthday.

https://www.facebook.com/anastashia.bernadetta?ref=ts&fref=ts

The Jungle Book - Walt Disney's

It was a quite day deep in the Indian jungle. Bagheera the panther was walking along the river. Suddenly the silence was broken by a strange sound. Bagheera went to see what was making the noise. It was a man-cub! He found the baby boy in a basket, which lay in a half-sunken boat.

Bagheera felt sorry for the baby. Carefully he carried the basket ashore.

"The man-cub will never survive without a mother," Bagheera said to himself. "What should I do with you, little fellow?" he asked the smiling baby.

Bagheera remembered that a wolf family lived nearby. Perhaps they would adopt the man-cub.

Bagheera brought the basket to the wolves' den. When the mother wolf and her cubs found the laughing baby, they smiled. Rama, the father wolf, was not so pleased at first. But soon he, too, was smiling at the man-cub.

The wolves named the man-cub Mowgli. For ten years he lived happily in the jungle. Mowgli learned many things from the wolves.

He learned how to run like a wolf.

He learned how to scratch himself like a wolf. He even learned how to play dead like a wolf, just for fun!

But one day there was some bad news in the jungle. Shere Khan the tiger had returned. The fearsome tiger hated all humans because a hunter had once shot him.

Mowgli was now in danger! So late that night the wolf pack gathered with Bagheera on Council Rock.

"Even the strength of the pack is no match for Shere Khan," declared Akela, the pack leader. "The man-cub must leave at once."

"But he is like my own cub," protested Rama. "Where will he go?"

Then Bagheera spoke up. "Perhaps I can help. I know of a man village where Mowgli will be safe. I will take him there."

It was agreed that Bagheera and Mowgli should leave the next morning. But taking Mowgli to the man-village would not be easy.

"This is my home," protested Mowgli as Bagheera tried to pry him from a tree. "I don't want to leave the jungle."

Reluctantly Mowgli began the journey to the man-village with Bagheera. Night began to fall. When the come to a big tree, Bagheera decided they would spend the night there.

"Go to sleep," he told Mowgli as they settled themselves on a large branch.

But they were not alone. Kaa the snake was hiding in the tree, and he thought Mowgli would make a tasty treat! "Yes, man-cub," Kaa whispered as he slithered down the tree, "go to sssleep."

Mowgli woke up and saw Kaa. 

"Go away. Leave me alone," he said to the snake. 

But Kaa just smiled an evil smile and said, "do not be afraid, man-cub. Trussst me. Go to sssleep."

Kaa stared at Mowgli. Mowgli stared back, but he began to feel dizzy. He was under Kaa's spell. Kaa wrapped his long tail around Mowgli.

Bagheera woke just in time! "What are you doing, Kaa?" He shouted. Bagheera slapped Kaa with his paw before the snake could hurt Mowgli. Kaa fell to the ground with a THUD!

"You have made a ssserious missstake, Bagheera," said Kas as he slithered off.

Back up on the branch Bagheers said, "You see, Mowgli, the jungle is too dangerous for you. You will be safer in the man-village."

"But I want to live in the jungle. I can take care of myself," cried Mowgli.

"No," said Bagheera kindly. "You belong in the man-village. We will go there in the morning."

But Mowgli did not want to live in the man-village. So early the next morning, before Bagheera was awake, he ran away.

"I don't need anyone," Mowgli said to himself. But after a while he felt very lonely.

Then Mowgli heard somebody singing.

"Dooby, dooby, doo, dooby, dooby, dee," sang Baloo, a big, friendly bear.

Baloo noticed Mowgli was by himself. "Well, hello there, Little Britches," Baloo said to him with a smile.

They quickly became friends.

"Will you teach me how to be a bear?" Mowgli asked.

"Sure!" Baloo answered.

So Baloo taught Mowgli how to dance like a bear and how to growl like a bear. . .

And even how to fight like a bear!

Later Baloo and Mowgli went for a swim. "I'll teach you all about the bare necessities of life, Mowgli," said Baloo as they floated down the river.

"I like being a bear," Mowgli replied happily.

Neither of them noticed that several monkeys were watching them. The monkeys wanted to bring Mowgli to their leader, King Louie.

Before Baloo could stop them, the monkeys grabbed Mowgli!

"Help me, Baloo!" Cried Mowgli 

But the monkeys swiftly swung him around in the treetops. Soon they were far from the river. When the monkeys reached their home, they brought Mowgli to King Louie.

"So you're the man-cub," said King Louie. "Crazy."

"I'm not crazy. You are!" Said Mowgli.

"Have some bananas," said King Louie, shoving two into Mowgli's mouth.

"Tell you what," he continued. "I can fix it so that you can stay in the jungle. Have we got a deal?"

"Yes, sir," said Mowgli.

The monkeys decided to celebrate. Everybody started dancing.

Meanwhile Baloo had found the ancient ruins where the monkeys lived. In order to rescue Mowgli, he disguised himself as a big monkey and dance right into the party. Baloo made a very good monkey.

Baloo's plan worked. While the monkeys sang and danced, he carried Mowgli out of the ruins.

"Thanks for rescuing me," said Mowgli. "I didn't want to be a monkey. I would rather be a bear, like you."

"But you are not a bear, Mowgli," Baloo said sadly. "The jungle is too dangerous for you. You belong in the man-village,"

"You are just like Bagheera!" Shouted Mowgli. "I don't want to go to the man-village! I can take care of myself."

So Mowgli ran away from Baloo, too. He didn't even notice that a storm was approaching.

Mowgli ran through the jungle. Suddenly he ran right into Shere Khan! The tiger had been waiting for this moment. The man-cub was alone in the jungle at last.

"Do you know who I am, man-cub?" Asked Shere Khan, showing the boy his sharp claws.

"Yes. But I am not afraid of you," said Mowgli.

"You must be afraid of me. Everyone is afraid of me," said Shere Khan smugly.

"Well, you don't scare me," said Mowgli.

"Ah, you have spirit for one so small," said the tiger. "You deserve a sporting chance. I will close my eyes and count to ten. It makes the chase more interesting." Shere Kan began to count, "One, two, three . . ."

But Mowgli did not run away. Instead he reached for a stick.

Suddenly there was a load clap of thunder. The storm had arrived.

Just as Shere Khan was about to attack Mowgli, a bolt lightning hit a nearby tree, starting a fire. 

Shere Khan let out a great roar. He was afraid of fire!

 

Mowgli saw that Shere Khan was afraid. He picked up a burning branch and chased the tiger away. Soon the rain from the storm put out the fire.

Just then Bagheera and Baloo arrived together. They both had been searching for Mowgli and heard Shere Khan's roar. They were happy to see that Mowgli was not hurt.

"We're glad you're safe, Little Britches," said Baloo as Mowgli ran up to the big bear and gave him a happy hug.

"Baloo and I were very worried," added Bagheera.

Mowgli hugged Bagheera, too, and told them about his encounter with Shere Khan. By the time he finished, the day was ending.

So the three friends found a safe place to rest. Soon they were all fast asleep.

The following morning they all went to the river near the man-village. When they arrived, they heard someone singing. They crept closer. A young girl was fetching some water from the river.

"What's that?" Asked Mowgli.

"That is a girl-cub," Bagheera told him.

Mowgli had never seen a girl-cub. He decided to take her closer look. As he approached her, he made a little noise. She turned and saw him. She smiled at Mowgli and dropped her jug of water.

"Hey, she did that on purpose," Baloo said as he and Bagheera watched from behind the bushes.

"Quite right, my friend," said the wise panther with a smile.

Mowgli quickly picked up the jug the young girl had dropped and refilled it with water. Then he followed her. Maybe he would like the man-village after all!

As Mowgli was about to enter the village, he smiled at his friends and waved good-bye.

"Well, Baloo," said Bagheera. "Mowgli will live in the man-village from now on. We will miss him, but he is where he belongs."

"Yes," agreed Baloo, "but I still think he would have made one swell bear."

THE END

Well, guys...

This is one of my fave of Walt Disney stories.

Enjoy:)

-K-